Donald Rumsfeld: Good Riddance to Incomprehensible Rubbish

Following a poor Republican result in the US mid-term elections, US President George W Bush has announced that Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is to step down. It's a pity George Bush didn't fire Dick Cheyney at the same time, and then resign, but life isn't perfect.
Mr Rumsfeld, one of the longest-serving defence secretaries, is known for his ramblings. Here are a selection of quotes (compiled by the BBC) from his six years under George W Bush.
FEBRUARY 2005
I am not going to give you a number for it because it is not my business to do intelligent work.
DECEMBER 2004
As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.
2004
It seems to me that it's up to all of us to try to tell the truth, to say what we know, to say what we don't know, and recognise that we're dealing with people that are perfectly willing to, to lie to the world to attempt to further their case and to the extent people lie of, ultimately they are caught lying and they lose their credibility and one would think it wouldn't take very for that to happen dealing with people like this.
MARCH 2003
We know where they [Iraq's WMD] are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat.
FEBRUARY 2003
And it is not knowable if force will be used [in Iraq], but if it is to be used, it is not knowable how long that conflict would last. It could last, you know, six days, six weeks. I doubt six months.
OCTOBER 2002
[Osama bin Laden is] either alive and well or alive and not too well or not alive.
SEPTEMBER 2002
No terrorist state poses a greater or more immediate threat to the security of our people and the stability of the world than the regime of Saddam Hussein in Iraq.
FEBRUARY 2002
Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know.
MAY 2001
Once in a while, I'm standing here, doing something. And I think: 'What in the world am I doing here?' It's a big surprise.
JANUARY 2001
Be able to resign. It will improve your value to the president and do wonders for your performance.

His most famous quote, which won him a Foot in Mouth award, was made in a Defense Department Briefing on February 12, 2002:

Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don't know we don't know.

History will show that Iraq was an unknown unknown, even though they thought they knew what they were doing.

BBC NEWS | Americas | In quotes: Donald Rumsfeld

Home Loan Nightmare

Don't expect any customer service when you get your home loan from FNB. Never mind that it's the biggest purchase most individuals will ever make, and it's a steady and lucrative source of income for the bank; still, they reserve the right to ignore your enquiries or push you around. They don't care: it's not their money.
I always thought the FNB logo depicted a tree. Actually, its an organizational diagram of the levels of complexity you have to go through to get anywhere. Let's review my home loan as an example:

• They told the bond broker that they had approved only R590,000, and then sent her documentation that indicated the full amount of R610,000.
• They didn't read the offer to purchase and put in the names of other lawyers.
• They sent the inspector to the wrong address.
• The inspector had to phone the lawyers to get the name of the property.
• The final grant states: "The property must be insured for a minimum amount of R490,858.50 and monthly premiums will be advised following registration of the bond. Insurance cover is to be effective from the date of registration of the bond" but on their web site they state that there are two different kind of cover ("Home Owners Cover" and "Home Loan Protection Plan") and that the first kind isn't required for sectional title purchases such as mine. So which of the two types are they referring to when talking about "Home Loan Insurance"? Where do they get that number from, anyway?

When I asked for clarification on what is required and what it would cost, they couldn't or wouldn't say. I was referred to Outsurance. Why is it only possible to advise me on the monthly premiums after the bond has been registered, when it's too late to do anything about them? Are they insane?
Their chatty but vague web site also mentions a whole bunch of additional home buying expenses, but that list isn't half of it. See what other creative accounting options the law firm has come up with.
Thank goodness I didn't have to deal with the bank directly on most of these issues, or I'd be a raving lunatic by this stage. The only sane thing I did was employ the services of a very competent and patient bond broker. Go Melissa!

Update 24 November 2006: A very helpful lady called Cheryl phoned to say that FNB is trying to figure out what went wrong, and they will get someone to call me to clarify things. It's good to know they don't let these matters go without attempting to sort things out. Go FNB!

There's a Bug in my Apple

I'm so glad that Windows is written by Microsoft and not Apple, because I don't think I could cope with any more bugs, not to mention the sheer arrogance that is Apple Computer Inc.
They're happy to sell iPods in South Africa, but sorry, no music. The iTunes Store is closed to South Africa and New Zealand. Why? Who knows, and of course they're too snooty to say. Talk about American cultural imperialism!
Then there's the iTunes software. It just doesn't work properly. iTunes 7.0 was a disaster, and iTunes 7.0.1 is still a joke. Now I'm told that iTunes 7.0.2 is available, but the "Apple Software Update" application disagrees, and says everything is fine. Are these guys for real? Why should I put up with all this rubbish? I'm almost tempted to uninstall it and go back to the version of iTunes that shipped with my iPod. At least it worked. Some of the time. Oh, and did I mention the jokes on the iTunes 7.0.2 page?

What’s New in this Version
iTunes 7.0.2 adds support for the Second Generation iPod shuffle and addresses a variety of stability and performance issues found in iTunes 7 and 7.0.1.

Note how much detail is provided on the stability and performace issues. Then there is the blatant lie about the size of the download: 25MB according to the page, but actually it's 35.1MB.


Update: They say they fixed the performance issues? I don't think so. The software still fails to download some postcast files, even when they appear on the iTunes store listing. And don't expect your PC to perform well while you're listening to a podcast being played by the iTunes software. You're still better off using a decent audio player like WinAmp, or even the RealOne player. iTunes has become buggy bloatware. And talking about stability: the software has randomly shut down twice since installing the "fixed" version, something it has never done on my PC before. And it seems to crash quite regularly now.

See also: Audio Apartheid

There Ought to be a Law Against this Kind of Behaviour

Banks, Lawyers and Estate Agents: why do I despise them so much? Is it because they don't understand who the customer is, or is it maybe that they just couldn't give a damn? Perhaps it's just sheer incompetence, or ducking and diving to avoid having to be straightforward and honest. Whatever it is, I find it totally baffling.
The three are a deadly combination, and I'm having to cope with all of them simultaneously at present. We are presently in the process of buying our flat. So we sign the offer to purchase, only to have it sent back twice: the first time because they inadvertently included another unit instead of a carport, and the second time because the seller wanted my name on the form as well as my wife's. Of course the faffing around and errors didn't inspire much confidence, but we were (supposedly) the first people to take up the offer to buy, and I guess estate agents aren't really into details like paperwork. After all, they've been doing this every day for years. You'd think they'd eventually get the hang of how it works. Sad, really. At least there were no outright lies like the last estate agents I had the misfortune of dealing with.
The next complication came from the banks. How I love them! Nedbank got the amount wrong (why am I not surprised), as did (sub)Standard Bank, but FNB came through with flying colours: well, almost. They sent the assessor to the wrong building, and got the name of the lawyers wrong. It would have been so much easier if they had actually read the offer to purchase documentation. With a bit of coaxing we got them to fix their blunders.
Now the final hurdle rests with the lawyers. I'm not sure whether they were supposed to explain their cost structure, or whether this was the job of the estate agents, but either way they did a pretty bad job of it all. I guess they just couldn't bring themselves to be open and upfront about the costs involved. "Vague" is not a good approach when you're dealing with my money, dammit!
When they sent a letter on 28th August 2006 (addressed to me as "Dear Madam"), they attached without explanation two "cost guidelines". Based on our purchase price, the first schedule ("Guideline to Bond Registration Costs") mentions an amount of R 6328.00. "In addition, provision should be made for postage and petties, bank administration charges, FICA fee, online instruction fee and insurance certificate charge."
The second schedule ("Guideline Registration of Transfer Costs") mentions an amount of R14564. "In addition to the above, provision should be made for postage and petties and FICA fee."
I guess I should have asked for clarification on these points, but I didn't do so immediately. Now when I have asked the matter gets worse. "Posts and Petties" come to a staggering R800, since the same fee gets charged twice. "FICA compliance" is also charged twice, once at R400 and another at R200. Similarly, "Deeds Office Registration Fee" is listed twice at R400 a time. Did I mention all of these amounts exclude VAT? Did I also mention the two "Deeds Office Search" fees of R100 each?
But wait, there's more! Did I mention the "Bank Fee" of R1168.50 and the "Estimated levy clearance" fee of R2000? Gosh, I must have missed them. The upshot of all this is that instead of paying a total of R20892 at some non-specific time in the future, they are now expecting us to pay an additional amount of R4898.50 as well, which works out at a 23.4% surcharge! That's an incredible increase in only 68 days, don't you think?
As you can tell, I'm not a happy customer at this point. But then I thing they thought they could just tell me what to do and get away with it. I have asked for clarification on this matter, and will update this post accordingly. I have also asked them to be a lot more specific about what amounts are to be paid, and when. I guess I'd better not hold my breath.
Update 13 February 2007: I finally obtained clarification from the lawyers, after kicking up a fuss and demanding they call me to explain. After all, the email enquiry has been ignored since 2nd November 2007. I'm tempted to mention the name of the law firm, not to mention the estate agents who have been avoiding me.

The Faces of SPAM?

Today I received my second call from "First Federal Investments" trying to sell me a funeral policy on behalf of FNB. I was a bit suspicious the last time they called, because they aren't listed in the phone book and the First Rand Group have never heard of them. So much for being part of FNB.
This time I asked the caller a few more details, and was then put on to the supervisor, an arrogant cocky man who insisted that they are doing nothing illegal but wasn't able to answer a few basic questions. What he was able to provide me with was the physical address and phone number of the company. After calling them I got their fax number and an email address, which gave me the correct name of the company:

Direct Channel Marketing (Pty) Ltd.
4th Floor, 328 Kent Avenue, Randburg, 2125, South Africa
Telephone: +27 11 293 9200
Facsimile: +27 11 781 1568

I confirmed this with the registration details of their domain name, www.directchannel.co.za, and visited their web site, which makes interesting reading. It would appear to confirm my suspicion that they have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with FNB, and their marketing script is misleading, and there is no registered financial services provider called "First Federal Investments".
I have written to them and informed them of my desire not to be contacted with marketing calls, and demanded to know where they got my details. I'm entitled to do this in terms of the ECT Act.
As far as I'm concerned, these guys are nothing more than spammers, and they do not have my permission to use my personal details for any purpose whatsoever.

Update: Suleman Shaik confirmed in his email today that he has no idea where my details came from, and referred me to the "Director" of "First Federal Investements", Warren Ebersohn. The fact that they won't/can't tell me where my details came from means that their company is not geared up to be compliant with the ECT Act. Can you trust a company like this? I don't.

MTN's Marketing Incompetence

What is it about my cell phone service provider that makes them think that it's OK for them to make marketing calls to my phone and send me marketing SMS messages?
Haven't they ever heard of the ECT Act? I guess not. Today I got a marketing call from their call centre where they offered me a free credit card. How sad. They must be desperate for money.
What they don't realise is that this kind of marketing tells the rest of the world that they don't care about their customers, and think of them purely as gullible fools who will swallow any lies they may make up in the guise of marketing hype. How sad. I have told them twice before not to contact me with marketing calls. The next time their incompetent lawyers will have to explain to the incompetent fools in their marketing department what the ECT Act is and why they are now going to have to pay me a lot of money. I can hardly wait.
After all, MTNSP is not a financial service provider, but a telephone service provider. They have as much expertise in running a credit card as my gym has. If my gym phoned me up and offered me a credit card, I would laugh at them. So why should MTNSP think they are any better? Even if their parent company has a deal with Standard Bank, that doesn't give them the right to abuse their position as my telephone service provider to contact me on behalf of a financial institution.

MTNSP: Marketing Gone Mad | MTN sends SMS spam and breaks the law

PerfectDisk: another before and after real-world example

This is the "before" picture. It's a Windows 2000 Small Business Server drive, running both SQL Server 2000 and Exchange 2000. It was also using Diskeeper 9 Server Standard, scheduled to do a defragment every weekend. The performance has got worse over time, and eventually I realised that Diskeeper just wasn't up to the job. The "before" picture above was taken after I had got Diskeeper to do a complete boot-time defragment and a full defrag to the best of its ability. As you can see the drive is in a mess.

This is the drive after the first pass using PerfectDisk 8. The analysis recommended a boot-time defragmentation, but we couldn't do it straight away because the server is in use. As you can see from the picture there is still a lot of fragmentation, and the metadata is in a real mess, with close to 1000 fragments in total. Thanks for nothing, Diskeeper!

Finally, after doing two boot-time defragmentation passes, and a complete defragment overnight, and then a quick pass using contig, the drive is in much better condition.
The other thing I like about PerfectDisk is that it has a "batch file" mode called PDCmd, so you can run a batch file that cleans up unwanted files using Hunter-Killer, then stops the SQL Server service, does a complete defagmentation, and finally starts the SQL Server services again. All automatically and unattended. Remember this is a live server, with SQL Server making backup files from time to time, and users saving documents from their workstations. Even so, the drive is in much better shape and SQL Server is performing well once again.

Raxco PerfectDisk web site | See also PerfectDisk to the Rescue | PerfectDisk Blog | The Great Defrag Shootout: Part I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | all

SA Cabinet vows to counter crime

The South African Cabinet renewed its pledge on Thursday to counter rampant crime around the country, saying "tremendous progress" is being made, but more community involvement was necessary.
"Government is and will continue to take the fight to the criminals who must be made to feel that crime does not pay," government communications (GCIS) head Themba Maseko told a media briefing at Parliament following Wednesday's fortnightly Cabinet meeting.
The police service were making progress, particularly against organised crime, and there was ample evidence of this. The police had recently been reporting regular breakthroughs, such as the many arrests among those responsible for cash in transit heists, he said.
"Measures continue to be put in place to increase the capacity of the police to fight crime."
These included strengthening crime intelligence capabilities, expanding police numbers, and transforming the justice system.
The government accepted that fighting crime was the primary responsibility of the police services, and that all that ordinary citizens could do was to support the police.
However, the police's efforts would not succeed without community involvement and all sectors of society.
"The police cannot win this war alone. Participation in and strengthening of community policing forums must become second nature to all of us," Maseko said.
The Cabinet had also noted with deep concern the recent incidents of violence in schools, which had led to injury and death among pupils.
"These incidents, coupled with the violent crimes that are being committed by bloodthirsty criminals in our streets, are totally unacceptable and highlight the need for a collective effort by all South Africans to declare war on crime."
The tragic killing of an infant during an armed robbery in Johannesburg last week clearly showed that these criminals did not value life.
While expressing condolences to the bereaved, the best tribute "we can pay to those who have lost their lives, and their loved ones, is to intensify the fight against crime", Maseko said.
The Cabinet had also given its full support to the steps announced by Education Minister Naledi Pandor and her education ministers' council to address violence in schools.
These included guidelines for random drug testing, safety committees, and increased school security. Once again, school violence could not be left to the educators and police alone, said Maseko.
Parents and communities had to work with teachers and school-governing bodies to ensure not only the violent incidents were attended to, but also the causes and circumstances leading to pupils resorting to violence to resolve conflict, he said. - Sapa

Thanks for nothing! Why can't the President himself announce this, instead of relegating it to a junior spokesman to handle. Why is it such a trivial matter? I guess he's surrounded by criminals in his cabinet and doesn't want to alienate them.

Mail & Guardian Online | See also: The President doesn't read it